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Ann Handley

Writer. Speaker. Marketer.

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Painting A Picture

Since I make my living attempting to make my words paint a picture—or at least a good doodle—I don’t usually subscribe to the hooey about a picture being worth a thousand words.

Not everybody feels this way, of course. Napoleon said, “A good sketch is better than a long speech.” And, truth be told, I find myself sometimes agreeing with Napoleon, even though I do think it depends largely on who is doing the sketch and on who is speaking. For example, I have no idea whether Martin Luther King Jr. could draw. But, still, I imagine that a sketched version of “I Have a Dream” delivered to the crowd in Washington via overhead projector would have been something of a train wreck. You see my point.

On the other hand, this photo of me, above, actually illustrates Napoleon’s philosophy nicely. I could give you the background here: Setting the stage by telling you that I’m in Santa Barbara, California, at an alley called Zodos, competing in a company tournament with 30 or so of my coworkers.

I could describe the slickness of the lanes, and the tiny fear I had in my gut each time I went up to roll the ball down the lane that I would slip on the wax and land hard on my tailbone—as hard as my throws landed on the lane itself. I could explain that this was my first time with the big balls—since I’m a New England girl, I’m used to little balls. (I’m talking about bowling, people, bowling!) I could tell you that no one wanted me on their team.

And I could also tell you that, if you are looking for some durable hardwood flooring, ask the folks at your local bowling alley what kind of wood they use on the lanes. Because every single one of my throws landed like an H bomb on a New Mexico test site, and you’d expect a pretty big crater and perhaps a mushroom cloud from the rubble. But not once did the flooring crack or give way, which I thought was pretty impressive.

Anyway, I could tell you all that… or I could just let the photo speak for itself. If it could, it might say something like, “Holy shit! What is she doing? Is she having a seizure? Is she releasing a homing pigeon? This is bowling, lady, not slow-pitch softball! Geez, she really wasn’t kidding about that bit about being stunningly unathletic, more Eeyore than Seabiscuit. She really deserves to be the one standing on the sidelines, last-picked for the team. She really should be afraid of the ball—any ball—because I’m pretty sure that the lane management are terrified of it, at this point.”

Of course, that’s less than a hundred words, let alone a thousand. But still.

Photo credit: Sharon Edwards

Filed Under: Humor, Writing Tagged With: bowling, bowling alley, sports, uncoordinated, work, work friends

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. antje wilsch says

    March 27, 2009 at 8:56 pm

    good story 🙂 sometimes the pictures need explaining, sometimes the story needs a picture to put it all together

    happy storytelling!

    Reply
  2. antje wilsch says

    March 27, 2009 at 12:56 pm

    good story 🙂 sometimes the pictures need explaining, sometimes the story needs a picture to put it all together

    happy storytelling!

    Reply
  3. Kelley says

    March 27, 2009 at 9:31 pm

    Hilarious! I actually went to Zodos today at lunch for a quick game with a friend, but all the lanes were taken due to this tourney….Too bad I did not know it was you guys!!

    BTW, pretty sure I look just like the pic when I bowl.

    Reply
  4. Steve Woodruff says

    March 27, 2009 at 9:31 pm

    I never have understood how bowling lanes stand up to the punishment. I think they’re made from kryptonite trees.

    Reply
  5. Kelley says

    March 27, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    Hilarious! I actually went to Zodos today at lunch for a quick game with a friend, but all the lanes were taken due to this tourney….Too bad I did not know it was you guys!!

    BTW, pretty sure I look just like the pic when I bowl.

    Reply
  6. Steve Woodruff says

    March 27, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    I never have understood how bowling lanes stand up to the punishment. I think they’re made from kryptonite trees.

    Reply
  7. Bdot says

    March 27, 2009 at 9:44 pm

    Are those rented shoes? I wonder what stories THEY could tell. Never mind, I don’t think I want to know.

    Reply
  8. Bdot says

    March 27, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    Are those rented shoes? I wonder what stories THEY could tell. Never mind, I don’t think I want to know.

    Reply
  9. Cam Beck says

    March 27, 2009 at 10:41 pm

    When you have a weapon in your arsenal like your writing, you don’t use photos to tell your story unless it’s really remarkable. 🙂

    Reply
  10. Cam Beck says

    March 27, 2009 at 2:41 pm

    When you have a weapon in your arsenal like your writing, you don’t use photos to tell your story unless it’s really remarkable. 🙂

    Reply
  11. Ann Handley says

    March 27, 2009 at 10:46 pm

    Thanks for the comments, all…

    @bdot: Yes — shoes are rented, and closed with a Velcro flap, to boot. Which seems fitting given my general lack of coordination there. I’m quite sure that the laces would have proved challenging.

    @cam beck — Thank you. This photo was it for me.. particularly since I had an entirely different picture in my head of how I looked bowling. I thought I was more fluid and graceful… then I saw the evidence to the contrary!

    Reply
  12. Ann Handley says

    March 27, 2009 at 2:46 pm

    Thanks for the comments, all…

    @bdot: Yes — shoes are rented, and closed with a Velcro flap, to boot. Which seems fitting given my general lack of coordination there. I’m quite sure that the laces would have proved challenging.

    @cam beck — Thank you. This photo was it for me.. particularly since I had an entirely different picture in my head of how I looked bowling. I thought I was more fluid and graceful… then I saw the evidence to the contrary!

    Reply
  13. Peter Kim says

    March 28, 2009 at 12:56 am

    I’m thinking we may have to have a Wii Sports bowl-a-thon at the B2B Forum in June.

    Reply
  14. Peter Kim says

    March 27, 2009 at 4:56 pm

    I’m thinking we may have to have a Wii Sports bowl-a-thon at the B2B Forum in June.

    Reply
  15. Mack Collier says

    March 28, 2009 at 1:05 am

    Can you imagine the reaction of the guy that buffs the lanes if he was walking by at this moment? That ball would have been his life flashing before his eyes.

    Reply
  16. Mack Collier says

    March 27, 2009 at 5:05 pm

    Can you imagine the reaction of the guy that buffs the lanes if he was walking by at this moment? That ball would have been his life flashing before his eyes.

    Reply
  17. Christian Gulliksen says

    March 28, 2009 at 1:18 am

    You can’t teach people to lob balls like that, Handley. Pure awesomeness and very fun to watch.

    Reply
  18. Christian Gulliksen says

    March 27, 2009 at 5:18 pm

    You can’t teach people to lob balls like that, Handley. Pure awesomeness and very fun to watch.

    Reply
  19. Katybeth says

    March 28, 2009 at 1:39 am

    Well, did you at least get a strike for the team in the other lane? And your shoes matched your shirt–pretty darn stylish!

    Thanks for the laugh after a very long week.

    Reply
  20. Katybeth says

    March 27, 2009 at 5:39 pm

    Well, did you at least get a strike for the team in the other lane? And your shoes matched your shirt–pretty darn stylish!

    Thanks for the laugh after a very long week.

    Reply
  21. Drew McLellan says

    March 28, 2009 at 1:48 am

    Ann,

    Someone did tell you that jumping is actually not a part of bowling, right?

    And, I am positive if we could somehow see the other side of the visual….your concentration would be evident by the tip of your tongue sticking out from between your lips!

    Drew

    Reply
  22. Drew McLellan says

    March 27, 2009 at 5:48 pm

    Ann,

    Someone did tell you that jumping is actually not a part of bowling, right?

    And, I am positive if we could somehow see the other side of the visual….your concentration would be evident by the tip of your tongue sticking out from between your lips!

    Drew

    Reply
  23. Burbanked says

    March 28, 2009 at 2:21 am

    That’s some serious hangtime.

    I like to bowl using Newtonian physics: that is, if I hit just one pin hard enough, it will bounce around with enough force until – eventually – it hits all the other pins.

    Aim? Direction? Finesse? Poppycock. Its all about pure, brute force.

    Reply
  24. Burbanked says

    March 27, 2009 at 6:21 pm

    That’s some serious hangtime.

    I like to bowl using Newtonian physics: that is, if I hit just one pin hard enough, it will bounce around with enough force until – eventually – it hits all the other pins.

    Aim? Direction? Finesse? Poppycock. Its all about pure, brute force.

    Reply
  25. Dana Ironside says

    March 28, 2009 at 2:27 am

    Ann, I needed a good laugh tonite and you sure gave it to me. I loved that picture and at first I was like – nah that’s not Ann. And then I thought well, she did say how she wasn’t athletic, maybe it is her. But then I thought again, nah, it can’t be. And lo and behold, it’s you.

    I love your ability to poke fun at yourself and have a good time no matter the situation. It’s better to keep it light and fun and still enjoy than not to do at all. So kudos to you for being the last picked and still going out there and “dancin” on the lanes. Oh wait, this was bowling, not dancing! 🙂

    Reply
  26. Dana Ironside says

    March 27, 2009 at 6:27 pm

    Ann, I needed a good laugh tonite and you sure gave it to me. I loved that picture and at first I was like – nah that’s not Ann. And then I thought well, she did say how she wasn’t athletic, maybe it is her. But then I thought again, nah, it can’t be. And lo and behold, it’s you.

    I love your ability to poke fun at yourself and have a good time no matter the situation. It’s better to keep it light and fun and still enjoy than not to do at all. So kudos to you for being the last picked and still going out there and “dancin” on the lanes. Oh wait, this was bowling, not dancing! 🙂

    Reply
  27. Jo Tyler says

    March 28, 2009 at 3:27 am

    well I’d say you’re VERY athletic, Ann! You appear to be bowling, playing basket ball, and landing a Triple Salchow all at the same time!
    🙂

    Reply
  28. Jo Tyler says

    March 27, 2009 at 7:27 pm

    well I’d say you’re VERY athletic, Ann! You appear to be bowling, playing basket ball, and landing a Triple Salchow all at the same time!
    🙂

    Reply
  29. John Wall says

    March 28, 2009 at 11:20 am

    Damn, I can see why you are afraid of falling!

    Reply
  30. John Wall says

    March 28, 2009 at 3:20 am

    Damn, I can see why you are afraid of falling!

    Reply
  31. blog nerd says

    March 28, 2009 at 12:01 pm

    my question is: when you were done with the release did you end up with your back to the pins? Because, THAT, my friend, would be BRILLIANT.

    Reply
  32. blog nerd says

    March 28, 2009 at 4:01 am

    my question is: when you were done with the release did you end up with your back to the pins? Because, THAT, my friend, would be BRILLIANT.

    Reply
  33. Laura says

    March 28, 2009 at 12:11 pm

    Hey. I know that butt.

    And that release technique.

    Using an assumed name, I assume?

    L.

    Reply
  34. Laura says

    March 28, 2009 at 4:11 am

    Hey. I know that butt.

    And that release technique.

    Using an assumed name, I assume?

    L.

    Reply
  35. euonymous says

    March 28, 2009 at 2:55 pm

    Lanes are made of hard rock maple wood. There’s a reason they call it that. Trying to cut it with a saw is more likely to burn out the saw and char the wood than cut it. Impressive stuff. Kitchen floors used to be made of that. The United States used to have forests full of it.

    Reply
  36. euonymous says

    March 28, 2009 at 6:55 am

    Lanes are made of hard rock maple wood. There’s a reason they call it that. Trying to cut it with a saw is more likely to burn out the saw and char the wood than cut it. Impressive stuff. Kitchen floors used to be made of that. The United States used to have forests full of it.

    Reply
  37. larzini says

    March 28, 2009 at 3:31 pm

    “more Eeyore than Seabiscuit”

    That’s just spectacular. Be sure to wear your wrist strap at the Wii Sports bowl-a-thon.

    As a New Jersey native with family in Boston, I was always amazed at the existence of candlepin bowling. Must be experienced in real life, doesn’t exist on the Wii.

    Reply
  38. larzini says

    March 28, 2009 at 7:31 am

    “more Eeyore than Seabiscuit”

    That’s just spectacular. Be sure to wear your wrist strap at the Wii Sports bowl-a-thon.

    As a New Jersey native with family in Boston, I was always amazed at the existence of candlepin bowling. Must be experienced in real life, doesn’t exist on the Wii.

    Reply
  39. Ann Handley says

    March 28, 2009 at 5:16 pm

    @katybeth – Believe it or not, I actually manage to land a few strikes… *IN MY OWN LANE*. I know.. what a weird alignment of the planets possibly caused that, right? ; )

    @Drew — It’s *as if* you were watching me… how did you know?

    @Burbanked — I love that… “Poppycock. It’s all brute force.” My problem was that the force was improperly aimed. Apparently “loft” doesn’t help.

    @Jo — That’s why I love you.. it’s all perspective!

    @blognerd — ha! NEXT TIME…!

    Reply
  40. Ann Handley says

    March 28, 2009 at 9:16 am

    @katybeth – Believe it or not, I actually manage to land a few strikes… *IN MY OWN LANE*. I know.. what a weird alignment of the planets possibly caused that, right? ; )

    @Drew — It’s *as if* you were watching me… how did you know?

    @Burbanked — I love that… “Poppycock. It’s all brute force.” My problem was that the force was improperly aimed. Apparently “loft” doesn’t help.

    @Jo — That’s why I love you.. it’s all perspective!

    @blognerd — ha! NEXT TIME…!

    Reply
  41. Ann Handley says

    March 28, 2009 at 5:21 pm

    @euonymous — Learn something new every day. Thanks for that!

    @larzini — I was a young adult before I even knew balls CAME in bigger sizes. And not to beat the same drum… but the small balls really are easier to handle!! (Just sayin’…)

    Reply
  42. Ann Handley says

    March 28, 2009 at 9:21 am

    @euonymous — Learn something new every day. Thanks for that!

    @larzini — I was a young adult before I even knew balls CAME in bigger sizes. And not to beat the same drum… but the small balls really are easier to handle!! (Just sayin’…)

    Reply
  43. Julie Roads says

    March 28, 2009 at 8:34 pm

    You need to know that I didn’t immediately realize that person in the pic was you. The black sleeves looked like arms and the hair – against the neon of the bowling alley – looked like an afro. So I thought it was some kind of 70’s throwback. Only made it more hilarious to realize that was your adorable self.

    I will be sure to take you bowling – because from the looks of this, you’ll make me look way good.

    Reply
  44. Julie Roads says

    March 28, 2009 at 12:34 pm

    You need to know that I didn’t immediately realize that person in the pic was you. The black sleeves looked like arms and the hair – against the neon of the bowling alley – looked like an afro. So I thought it was some kind of 70’s throwback. Only made it more hilarious to realize that was your adorable self.

    I will be sure to take you bowling – because from the looks of this, you’ll make me look way good.

    Reply
  45. Jenn aka Future Mama says

    March 28, 2009 at 10:21 pm

    Wow! That is so funny! Don’t worry I’m not good at bowling either!

    Reply
  46. Jenn aka Future Mama says

    March 28, 2009 at 2:21 pm

    Wow! That is so funny! Don’t worry I’m not good at bowling either!

    Reply
  47. Jenn Calling Home says

    March 29, 2009 at 4:41 am

    Wow, incredible form. I don’t even know how that’s possible! And you’re going to freak, because I’m just some random blogger, but I actually learned to bowl on those lanes in Jr. high; only, it wasn’t called Zodos back then. And my family used to go to “Breakfast Bowl” (You’d get breakfast and a few games) on Sunday mornings (after church, I’m pretty sure). So much for bloggy coincidences 🙂

    Reply
  48. Jenn Calling Home says

    March 28, 2009 at 8:41 pm

    Wow, incredible form. I don’t even know how that’s possible! And you’re going to freak, because I’m just some random blogger, but I actually learned to bowl on those lanes in Jr. high; only, it wasn’t called Zodos back then. And my family used to go to “Breakfast Bowl” (You’d get breakfast and a few games) on Sunday mornings (after church, I’m pretty sure). So much for bloggy coincidences 🙂

    Reply
  49. GiGi says

    March 29, 2009 at 7:54 pm

    Ann-can’t believe that’s you. Thought it was an afro, too! Hmm…some things are better left to our mind’s eye of how we think we look in certain situations rather than actually seeing it…but…it does make for a good laugh, right? Funny post and good sense of humor. And, once again, I feel like I was there! A picture isn’t worth a thousand of your words!

    Reply
  50. GiGi says

    March 29, 2009 at 11:54 am

    Ann-can’t believe that’s you. Thought it was an afro, too! Hmm…some things are better left to our mind’s eye of how we think we look in certain situations rather than actually seeing it…but…it does make for a good laugh, right? Funny post and good sense of humor. And, once again, I feel like I was there! A picture isn’t worth a thousand of your words!

    Reply
  51. Cass says

    March 30, 2009 at 1:27 pm

    Ah, Ann, your bowling looks better than mine. You don’t want to know. . . .

    When we lived in a “gentrified” neighborhood on Pittsburgh’s North Side, one of our friends refinished floors for a living — bowling alley floors. Let me tell you, the old wood floors in his 4-story brownstone outshone every other floor in the neighborhood! It was just a little bit eerie.

    Thanks for the laugh. You write a treat, as my grandmother would have said.

    Cass (off to the vet now with Connie and Dion!)

    Reply
  52. Cass says

    March 30, 2009 at 5:27 am

    Ah, Ann, your bowling looks better than mine. You don’t want to know. . . .

    When we lived in a “gentrified” neighborhood on Pittsburgh’s North Side, one of our friends refinished floors for a living — bowling alley floors. Let me tell you, the old wood floors in his 4-story brownstone outshone every other floor in the neighborhood! It was just a little bit eerie.

    Thanks for the laugh. You write a treat, as my grandmother would have said.

    Cass (off to the vet now with Connie and Dion!)

    Reply
  53. Karen Swim says

    March 30, 2009 at 1:55 pm

    Ann, I would pick you for my team! 🙂 You’ve got quite an arm…for pitching! 😉 Seriously though the best part of bowling is the laughter and company and in your defense the ball did at least stay in your lane.

    Reply
  54. Karen Swim says

    March 30, 2009 at 5:55 am

    Ann, I would pick you for my team! 🙂 You’ve got quite an arm…for pitching! 😉 Seriously though the best part of bowling is the laughter and company and in your defense the ball did at least stay in your lane.

    Reply
  55. Tabitha Dunn says

    April 6, 2009 at 5:17 pm

    So funny – I think I look like that when I bowl on our Wii in the living room although I am more of a lunger than a spinner. Nice that you were my neck of the woods – I live in Santa Barbara and was just at Zodo’s two weeks ago for a six year old girl’s birthday party. That was so fun to watch-some impressive bowling positions too!

    Reply
  56. Tabitha Dunn says

    April 6, 2009 at 9:17 am

    So funny – I think I look like that when I bowl on our Wii in the living room although I am more of a lunger than a spinner. Nice that you were my neck of the woods – I live in Santa Barbara and was just at Zodo’s two weeks ago for a six year old girl’s birthday party. That was so fun to watch-some impressive bowling positions too!

    Reply
  57. chatcatcher (Chat Catcher) says

    April 9, 2009 at 5:14 am

    Twitter Comment


    Chat Catcher Test

    Reply
  58. chatcatcher (Chat Catcher) says

    April 8, 2009 at 9:14 pm

    Twitter Comment


    Chat Catcher Test

    Reply
  59. JustinSMV says

    April 12, 2009 at 2:29 am

    Too funny, I love the picture. You know its like a double edged sword, having no captions can open your minds to boundless limits of your imagination while on the other hand having a caption opens more doorways too, both are good 🙂

    Reply
  60. JustinSMV says

    April 11, 2009 at 6:29 pm

    Too funny, I love the picture. You know its like a double edged sword, having no captions can open your minds to boundless limits of your imagination while on the other hand having a caption opens more doorways too, both are good 🙂

    Reply
  61. Lori Magno says

    April 16, 2009 at 2:57 am

    Poetry in motion. You are fabulous!

    Reply
  62. Lori Magno says

    April 15, 2009 at 6:57 pm

    Poetry in motion. You are fabulous!

    Reply
  63. Percy Bisque Silley says

    April 16, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    Imagine the menace this individual would represent at Duckpin. The thing would go like ninety-plus miles an hour and be like a hardball in a professional pitcher’s hands.

    Balls are hardier in New England and last longer, even if they be smaller.

    Reply
  64. Percy Bisque Silley says

    April 16, 2009 at 7:48 am

    Imagine the menace this individual would represent at Duckpin. The thing would go like ninety-plus miles an hour and be like a hardball in a professional pitcher’s hands.

    Balls are hardier in New England and last longer, even if they be smaller.

    Reply
  65. Scott says

    May 24, 2009 at 3:38 am

    That’s hilarious (about “balls”)! Johnny Carson once had a guest who said she didn’t play tennis because she didn’t like balls hitting her face–and Carson replied, “I believe that’s called testiphobia!” There was also a film, “Flashpoint” (1984), in which a woman sarcastically asks two law-enforcement officers’ if they’re going to the policeman’s ball. One of them replies, “We’re Border Patrol, ma’am, we don’t have balls!”

    And these days alot of women talk about other women “not having the balls” to do something or other! That’s even more nonsensical than the idea of women “fucking” men!

    Reply
  66. Scott says

    May 23, 2009 at 7:38 pm

    That’s hilarious (about “balls”)! Johnny Carson once had a guest who said she didn’t play tennis because she didn’t like balls hitting her face–and Carson replied, “I believe that’s called testiphobia!” There was also a film, “Flashpoint” (1984), in which a woman sarcastically asks two law-enforcement officers’ if they’re going to the policeman’s ball. One of them replies, “We’re Border Patrol, ma’am, we don’t have balls!”

    And these days alot of women talk about other women “not having the balls” to do something or other! That’s even more nonsensical than the idea of women “fucking” men!

    Reply
  67. Peg says

    October 23, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    Ann, I thought of you this week, when I was bowling with new co-workers, a night after work. My first or second throw, the ball seemingly flew out of my hand and jumped over into someone else's lane. I cost the surprised guy in the other lane his turn, because it counted as his third ball, and it went straight into the gutter. If anything, my bowling only deteriorated, after that. My great comfort was thinking of this story, and the very good company I am keeping here. But seriously, what is about writers and “being stunningly unathletic…”? and that weird “on the outside looking in” feeling, that accompanies times like this…

    Reply
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    June 10, 2010 at 10:32 pm

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    Reply
  69. Adobo says

    June 23, 2010 at 6:56 pm

    The white lotus is a shallow-water replica purse, night-blooming plant with a

    creeping rootstock (rhizome) that sends up long-stalked, nearly circular
    dark green leathery leaves, which float on the luxury handbags,

    surface. The flowers, up to 25 cm (10 in) across, remain open until midday
    The blue lotus is a smaller, luxury handbag. less showy day-blooming

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    The Lotus flower has for thousands of years symbolized spiritual enlightenment
    leather bag. Indeed, this flower essence's purpose is to accelerate spiritual evolvement and enhance healing on every level within the system.jl

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. 50 Years Later: Elements of Style (and Life) with Strunk & White « Peg Mulligan’s Blog says:
    April 6, 2009 at 10:41 am

    […] best language encourages us to think in pictures. In a recent post, Painting A Picture, Ann Handley notes that because she makes her living “attempting to make …words paint a […]

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