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Ann Handley

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Notice to Staff and Stakeholders: Reorg

coddledGreetings all staff and stakeholders of Coddled Teenage Boy Enterprises:

It has come to my attention that there has been some confusion about your roles and responsibilities within the organization, which has led to infighting, yelling, and name-calling—this happened just yesterday, prior to 7 AM. Such behavior is both unprofessional and upsetting, and it is my job as the CEO and central “brand” of this enterprise to address this situation before it begins to negatively affect morale as well as my performance in the marketplace, also known as “school and social life.”

First, a word about the incident that prompted this memo and took place at headquarters yesterday. Many of you, I know, heard it—or heard of it—and I need to clarify actual events to dispel any notion that the CEO of Coddled Teenage Boy Enterprises was at fault. Because, as you know, it’s never my fault.

The incident took place in the early morning. It concerned the crazy idea that two individuals traveling to the same school campus should to be liveried in the same vehicle, and therefore ought to be ready to depart at approximately the same time, even if one of us requires more careful and meticulous currying of my excellent hair and a careful consideration of which band T-shirt looks most awesome with my jeans. There was yelling about did I know the price of a gallon of gas, and the driver’s own needs (don’t get what that means), and something was said in a rather overwrought tone about how It’s all about you, isn’t it?

All of this made the second and final shuttling to school tense and unpleasant, and left me grounded this weekend, which is a wholly unacceptable result of what I see as a giant misunderstanding. The bottom line is that the sister involved in this situation is… well, clearly a Sister Subsidiary. Known officially as The Easy Child Enterprise, the Sister Subsidiary should be staffed and run as a separate operation, independent of the needs of Coddled Teenage Boy LLC. Especially since a tenet of that aforementioned subsidiary enterprise is Hates to Be Late, whereas at Coddled we take a much more interpretive view of the clock.

Now that we have that out of the way, I’d like to get back to the business of this memo, which is to redefine and, in some cases, reassign the various roles each of you play in keeping this enterprise running. As you know, we have grown in leaps and bounds over the past decade, growing literally from a Mom-and-Pop entity to a conglomerate with endless, gaping needs and demands. While it once took only one or two people to feed, diaper and bathe me, it now requires an entire staff to manage the complex operation that is my life.

You might think that my ability to actually use my limbs purposefully and my mastery of other basic life-skills (like the ability to read signs, or jot down a note, or climb bus stairs, or use the toilet) might allow me to exploit my own abilities and increase self-reliance. But, sadly, the answer is no. In ways that even I don’t really understand, it seems that the operation is more complicated than ever, and it requires additional resources and more staff than ever to maintain.

Last year in Math, we studied Inverse Functions, in which the sign f “acts on” a number and transforms it. Essentially, you can define the inverse of f as the function that “undoes” what f did. My understanding is some enterprises grow precisely like that: As new products are brought to market, or new services introduced, others are mysteriously negated. In other words, it’s not my fault that company operations have gotten multifarious and increasingly unwieldy. You can argue the application of this point, but not with me. Take it up with a mathematician.

So without further ado, herewith the new Job Titles as reflected in this most current Reorg of Coddled Teenage Boy Enterprises:

Manager of Livery Services—Dad (AM Manager), Mom (PM Manager)

Director of English Essays, Proofing and Editing Division—Mom

Laundry Services—Mom, Dad, Sister-When-I-Have-Something-to-Bribe-Her-With

Bag Lunch Boss—Mom, Dad

Homework Helpers—Mom, Dad, the Friends-Who-Actually-Take-Notes-in-Class Squad

Personal Belonging Tracker—Mom, Dad, various friends (Gordon, Zach, Janey, Chris, etc.) in various classes who run after me when I leave my various shit behind

Shower Timer—Mom, Dad, Sister-When-She-Needs-to-Use-the-Bathroom

Forms and Paperwork, Small Details Division—Mom

Dispenser of Petty Cash—Whichever parent drives us to the movies

Emotional Support Team—Pretty much everyone, all the time (note on-call hours)

The two remaining jobs still available at this time are:

Minister of Wiping My Ass

Director of I’d-Forget-My-Head-If-It-Wasn’t-Attached

Referrals welcome.

It is my dearest hope that this will help you accept and relish the critical job you have as part of Coddled Teenage Boy Enterprises, and see yourself for what you are: Part of my team, because we are all in this together. As they say, there’s no “I” in “team.” And there’s no “Boy” in there, either. God knows I can’t do this on my own.

Regards,

Coddled Teenage Boy

P.S.: Has anyone seen my soccer shorts?

Filed Under: Children, Humor, Parenting, Teenagers Tagged With: Business, kids, mothers, parentings, sons, Teenagers

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Mark Cahill says

    September 18, 2008 at 5:38 pm

    Excellent – I get similar messages from Self-obssessed Tweener Girl Inc. on a daily basis.

    Reply
  2. Mark Cahill says

    September 18, 2008 at 9:38 am

    Excellent – I get similar messages from Self-obssessed Tweener Girl Inc. on a daily basis.

    Reply
  3. Karen Swim says

    September 18, 2008 at 5:56 pm

    ROFL!!! Ann, this should be printed and distributed to every person who has even encountered a teenager. What a perfect and hilarious description of a teenage boy. Oh, yes my condolences to Mom and Dad. 😉

    Reply
  4. Karen Swim says

    September 18, 2008 at 9:56 am

    ROFL!!! Ann, this should be printed and distributed to every person who has even encountered a teenager. What a perfect and hilarious description of a teenage boy. Oh, yes my condolences to Mom and Dad. 😉

    Reply
  5. Leigh Duncan-Durst says

    September 18, 2008 at 6:10 pm

    Oh mannn…. this is what I have to look forward to? Just tell me you will be there to buy me martinis and console me when I feel like committing murder!

    LOL.

    Reply
  6. Leigh Duncan-Durst says

    September 18, 2008 at 10:10 am

    Oh mannn…. this is what I have to look forward to? Just tell me you will be there to buy me martinis and console me when I feel like committing murder!

    LOL.

    Reply
  7. Nedra says

    September 18, 2008 at 6:18 pm

    Leigh took the words right out of my fingers: Is this what I have to look forward to? The Coddled Preteen Boy franchise is looking better and better. 🙂

    Reply
  8. Nedra says

    September 18, 2008 at 10:18 am

    Leigh took the words right out of my fingers: Is this what I have to look forward to? The Coddled Preteen Boy franchise is looking better and better. 🙂

    Reply
  9. Ann Handley says

    September 18, 2008 at 6:45 pm

    It’s too late for me, Leigh and Nedra, but you can both STILL save yourselves…

    Godspeed.

    ; )

    Reply
  10. Ann Handley says

    September 18, 2008 at 10:45 am

    It’s too late for me, Leigh and Nedra, but you can both STILL save yourselves…

    Godspeed.

    ; )

    Reply
  11. Lori Magno says

    September 18, 2008 at 6:47 pm

    I am so putting this on my blog!

    Remember, it’s never too late to put them up for adoption (or give them to the gypsies, as I was threatened with for about 18 years…)

    Reply
  12. Lori Magno says

    September 18, 2008 at 10:47 am

    I am so putting this on my blog!

    Remember, it’s never too late to put them up for adoption (or give them to the gypsies, as I was threatened with for about 18 years…)

    Reply
  13. Herb says

    September 18, 2008 at 6:59 pm

    haha… excellent post!

    And, wow, so much of this sounds familiar.

    Reply
  14. Herb says

    September 18, 2008 at 10:59 am

    haha… excellent post!

    And, wow, so much of this sounds familiar.

    Reply
  15. Mark Cahill says

    September 18, 2008 at 7:13 pm

    It’s a buyers market for used teenagers…

    Reply
  16. Mark Cahill says

    September 18, 2008 at 11:13 am

    It’s a buyers market for used teenagers…

    Reply
  17. Bev Barnett says

    September 18, 2008 at 7:26 pm

    Okay tell me the truth – were you hiding in the back of OUR van on our way to school yesterday morning?

    I saw a glimmer of hope though – my Coddled Teenage Boy turned his essay in after the bell and got half credt and ADMITTED it was his fault he was late. What’s that about?

    Reply
  18. Bev Barnett says

    September 18, 2008 at 11:26 am

    Okay tell me the truth – were you hiding in the back of OUR van on our way to school yesterday morning?

    I saw a glimmer of hope though – my Coddled Teenage Boy turned his essay in after the bell and got half credt and ADMITTED it was his fault he was late. What’s that about?

    Reply
  19. Gwen Darling says

    September 18, 2008 at 7:36 pm

    Awesome post. Boys, too?

    As the mom of two teenaged “it’s all about me and you just don’t understand because times have changed since the dark ages” girls, I find myself repeating the same phone conversation on a regular basis… “Hey Mom? Remember that time I ________? Sorry about that.” Hopefully we’ll all survive and hear the same words 30 years from now… 🙂

    Reply
  20. Suzan St Maur says

    September 18, 2008 at 7:36 pm

    “I can’t tell you how many bells that post rang with me,” she wrote while ululating along to the rehearsal of 16-yr-old son’s band and preparing industrial-strength spaghetti and meatballs to feed them…for a sample of what I’m hearing go http://myspace.com/heartofacoward …

    Reply
  21. Gwen Darling says

    September 18, 2008 at 11:36 am

    Awesome post. Boys, too?

    As the mom of two teenaged “it’s all about me and you just don’t understand because times have changed since the dark ages” girls, I find myself repeating the same phone conversation on a regular basis… “Hey Mom? Remember that time I ________? Sorry about that.” Hopefully we’ll all survive and hear the same words 30 years from now… 🙂

    Reply
  22. Suzan St Maur says

    September 18, 2008 at 11:36 am

    “I can’t tell you how many bells that post rang with me,” she wrote while ululating along to the rehearsal of 16-yr-old son’s band and preparing industrial-strength spaghetti and meatballs to feed them…for a sample of what I’m hearing go http://myspace.com/heartofacoward …

    Reply
  23. Sonia Simone says

    September 18, 2008 at 7:37 pm

    Oh my god, this is killing me. Mine is just 3, and I can already see this coming.

    Reply
  24. Sonia Simone says

    September 18, 2008 at 11:37 am

    Oh my god, this is killing me. Mine is just 3, and I can already see this coming.

    Reply
  25. Auntie Lala says

    September 18, 2008 at 7:38 pm

    Holy toast. Sounds like *someone’s* limit was reached in the last week. Why is there a livery service? Is there not a public mode of transport? And who in their right mind would apply for Minister of Wiping My Ass? How much does that pay, incidentally? Bennies? Paid vacation…?

    Reply
  26. Auntie Lala says

    September 18, 2008 at 11:38 am

    Holy toast. Sounds like *someone’s* limit was reached in the last week. Why is there a livery service? Is there not a public mode of transport? And who in their right mind would apply for Minister of Wiping My Ass? How much does that pay, incidentally? Bennies? Paid vacation…?

    Reply
  27. Ellen Ghiselli says

    September 18, 2008 at 7:59 pm

    I have SURVIVED such reorgs, by executing HOSTILE TAKEOVERS. Its all about $$$$, those who have it RULE those who don’t. The rules in my organization were enforced, sometimes brutally with police assistance (underage teenage drinking parties when CEO is out of town on biz).

    I think secession is in order here. If the subsidiaries can’t abide by the financial rules, they must secede and set up their own territory, org’s and rules.

    It worked for my Teen subsidiary. 😉 And I lived to tell about it.

    Reply
  28. Ellen Ghiselli says

    September 18, 2008 at 11:59 am

    I have SURVIVED such reorgs, by executing HOSTILE TAKEOVERS. Its all about $$$$, those who have it RULE those who don’t. The rules in my organization were enforced, sometimes brutally with police assistance (underage teenage drinking parties when CEO is out of town on biz).

    I think secession is in order here. If the subsidiaries can’t abide by the financial rules, they must secede and set up their own territory, org’s and rules.

    It worked for my Teen subsidiary. 😉 And I lived to tell about it.

    Reply
  29. Zil says

    September 18, 2008 at 8:03 pm

    Thanks, You needed That!!! Whew 🙂

    Reply
  30. Zil says

    September 18, 2008 at 12:03 pm

    Thanks, You needed That!!! Whew 🙂

    Reply
  31. Ann Handley says

    September 18, 2008 at 8:11 pm

    To all of you who relate — I’m laughing, and I’m sorry. Nuf said.

    @Ellen — You are an inspiration. Send map.

    Reply
  32. Ann Handley says

    September 18, 2008 at 12:11 pm

    To all of you who relate — I’m laughing, and I’m sorry. Nuf said.

    @Ellen — You are an inspiration. Send map.

    Reply
  33. Bill Trippe says

    September 18, 2008 at 8:19 pm

    As the parent of two teenage boys, I bow to your brilliance in capturing this!

    Reply
  34. Bill Trippe says

    September 18, 2008 at 12:19 pm

    As the parent of two teenage boys, I bow to your brilliance in capturing this!

    Reply
  35. bethharte says

    September 18, 2008 at 8:30 pm

    Ann, after reading this I kissed the ground and thanked God that I have only a nephew who can be sent home in accordance with any crazy teen behavior. For now, he’s only 5 months but throw up and poop does get him handed back to his mommy because I believe she, not me, holds the title “Minister of Wiping My Ass.” ;-))

    Best of luck to you!

    Reply
  36. Beth Harte says

    September 18, 2008 at 12:30 pm

    Ann, after reading this I kissed the ground and thanked God that I have only a nephew who can be sent home in accordance with any crazy teen behavior. For now, he’s only 5 months but throw up and poop does get him handed back to his mommy because I believe she, not me, holds the title “Minister of Wiping My Ass.” ;-))

    Best of luck to you!

    Reply
  37. mack collier says

    September 19, 2008 at 12:21 am

    Hey it could be worse, said CEO of Coddled Teenage Boy Enterprises could inform you that the science books are wrong and said CEO is actually the center of the solar system, and not this Sun-thingie.

    Reply
  38. mack collier says

    September 18, 2008 at 4:21 pm

    Hey it could be worse, said CEO of Coddled Teenage Boy Enterprises could inform you that the science books are wrong and said CEO is actually the center of the solar system, and not this Sun-thingie.

    Reply
  39. Sonny Gill says

    September 19, 2008 at 12:32 am

    LOL – let me rethink that whole having kids thing 😉

    Reply
  40. Sonny Gill says

    September 18, 2008 at 4:32 pm

    LOL – let me rethink that whole having kids thing 😉

    Reply
  41. Steve Woodruff says

    September 19, 2008 at 1:23 am

    As you might expect, Ann, I’m torn between laughing my guts out or having a nervous breakdown. Maybe I’ll just do both. That’ll keep ’em guessing!

    Reply
  42. Steve Woodruff says

    September 18, 2008 at 5:23 pm

    As you might expect, Ann, I’m torn between laughing my guts out or having a nervous breakdown. Maybe I’ll just do both. That’ll keep ’em guessing!

    Reply
  43. Amber Naslund says

    September 19, 2008 at 1:54 am

    Thank god I have a girl. Right? Wait…RIGHT??

    Reply
  44. Amber Naslund says

    September 18, 2008 at 5:54 pm

    Thank god I have a girl. Right? Wait…RIGHT??

    Reply
  45. Tim Jackson says

    September 19, 2008 at 3:19 am

    I’ve said it once and I’m saying it again; Damn you Handley!

    To quote that Squeeze song again, “if I didn’t love you, I’d hate you…”

    Why… no, WHY do you do this to me? Is it not enough that two… TWO… successive ex-wives have crushed my manhood and desire to live, but you just keep kicking me in the gut. Why? WHY? I thought we were friends. Seriously. This hurts. Can you JUST ONCE let me be the better writer for a day or two? I keep making my little word scribbles thinking, “one day I’ll beat that damned Handley and then everybody will think that I’M a smart and witty writer too!”

    But no.

    I sincerely hope you’re happy with yourself.

    Reply
  46. Tim Jackson says

    September 18, 2008 at 7:19 pm

    I’ve said it once and I’m saying it again; Damn you Handley!

    To quote that Squeeze song again, “if I didn’t love you, I’d hate you…”

    Why… no, WHY do you do this to me? Is it not enough that two… TWO… successive ex-wives have crushed my manhood and desire to live, but you just keep kicking me in the gut. Why? WHY? I thought we were friends. Seriously. This hurts. Can you JUST ONCE let me be the better writer for a day or two? I keep making my little word scribbles thinking, “one day I’ll beat that damned Handley and then everybody will think that I’M a smart and witty writer too!”

    But no.

    I sincerely hope you’re happy with yourself.

    Reply
  47. Christian Gulliksen says

    September 19, 2008 at 4:31 am

    This reminds me of a little subsidiary my sister ran when we were teenagers — the Wild Child Carnival. It was a very lucrative operation since the parent company (erroneously) believed that increased funding would create a culture of responsibility.

    It didn’t matter that my Genial Underachiever division delivered far more consistent, and reasonably respectable, results. Her junior year contract renewal granted her, among other inexplicable perks, a much cooler company car than was offered to Genial Underachiever. Which is when I realized what a lame business model I had. To compete with Wild Child, I attempted a start-up called Squeaky Wheel, but it failed almost immediately. Just didn’t have the passion to see it through, because it turned out that Genial Underachiever was my true brand. Egad.

    Reply
  48. Christian Gulliksen says

    September 18, 2008 at 8:31 pm

    This reminds me of a little subsidiary my sister ran when we were teenagers — the Wild Child Carnival. It was a very lucrative operation since the parent company (erroneously) believed that increased funding would create a culture of responsibility.

    It didn’t matter that my Genial Underachiever division delivered far more consistent, and reasonably respectable, results. Her junior year contract renewal granted her, among other inexplicable perks, a much cooler company car than was offered to Genial Underachiever. Which is when I realized what a lame business model I had. To compete with Wild Child, I attempted a start-up called Squeaky Wheel, but it failed almost immediately. Just didn’t have the passion to see it through, because it turned out that Genial Underachiever was my true brand. Egad.

    Reply
  49. Jack Kuperman says

    September 19, 2008 at 5:47 am

    Interesting, that just a week ago I’ve writen smth on the subject too “How to deal with a teenager.” http://quantrol.us/blog/?p=50 .

    But when I began to compare, I stopped very quickly.

    No comparison at all.

    Yours is shining with ingenious sparkles.

    Please write more often.

    Reply
  50. Jack Kuperman says

    September 18, 2008 at 9:47 pm

    Interesting, that just a week ago I’ve writen smth on the subject too “How to deal with a teenager.” http://quantrol.us/blog/?p=50 .

    But when I began to compare, I stopped very quickly.

    No comparison at all.

    Yours is shining with ingenious sparkles.

    Please write more often.

    Reply
  51. Karin says

    September 19, 2008 at 12:55 pm

    Hilarious! I am no where near this stage of business yet. We are still in the acquisition phase.

    Reply
  52. Karin says

    September 19, 2008 at 4:55 am

    Hilarious! I am no where near this stage of business yet. We are still in the acquisition phase.

    Reply
  53. Amy Black says

    September 19, 2008 at 2:29 pm

    Thanks, Ann, for reminding me why after 10 years of marriage I still don’t have children. Dogs are so much easier. : )

    Reply
  54. Amy Black says

    September 19, 2008 at 6:29 am

    Thanks, Ann, for reminding me why after 10 years of marriage I still don’t have children. Dogs are so much easier. : )

    Reply
  55. Tom Collins says

    September 19, 2008 at 2:48 pm

    Hmmmm … maybe the newly appointed in-house directors should consider setting up an off-shore service company with English-as-a-second-language staff and then out-source most of their functions to THAT subsidiary!

    Let’s see what the CEO does when he calls for customer support then.

    Reply
  56. Tom Collins says

    September 19, 2008 at 6:48 am

    Hmmmm … maybe the newly appointed in-house directors should consider setting up an off-shore service company with English-as-a-second-language staff and then out-source most of their functions to THAT subsidiary!

    Let’s see what the CEO does when he calls for customer support then.

    Reply
  57. Bdot says

    September 19, 2008 at 3:00 pm

    Ann,
    Is the “Minister of Wiping My Ass” position still open? Depending on the compensation package,
    I would like to toss my bat into the ring.
    My resume is extensive; I have several years working with animals, and am currently employed by a major international corporation as an EOBB (equal opportunity ball-buster).

    Do you have a dental plan?

    Bdot

    Reply
  58. Bdot says

    September 19, 2008 at 7:00 am

    Ann,
    Is the “Minister of Wiping My Ass” position still open? Depending on the compensation package,
    I would like to toss my bat into the ring.
    My resume is extensive; I have several years working with animals, and am currently employed by a major international corporation as an EOBB (equal opportunity ball-buster).

    Do you have a dental plan?

    Bdot

    Reply
  59. Alan Wolk says

    September 19, 2008 at 3:23 pm

    I hope you are planning to save this and show it to potential merger partners when the enterprise is more mature and looking to set up a permanent partnership agreement. (It sure beats baby pictures!)

    Reply
  60. Alan Wolk says

    September 19, 2008 at 7:23 am

    I hope you are planning to save this and show it to potential merger partners when the enterprise is more mature and looking to set up a permanent partnership agreement. (It sure beats baby pictures!)

    Reply
  61. Ann Handley says

    September 19, 2008 at 3:57 pm

    Note to @sonnygill @amyblack @christian @beth and all of those still functioning as Sole Proprietors or Partners: There is still time for you to save yourselves. Walk away from the light…

    And I really like your suggestion here @alan… payback will indeed be sweet.

    Reply
  62. Ann Handley says

    September 19, 2008 at 7:57 am

    Note to @sonnygill @amyblack @christian @beth and all of those still functioning as Sole Proprietors or Partners: There is still time for you to save yourselves. Walk away from the light…

    And I really like your suggestion here @alan… payback will indeed be sweet.

    Reply
  63. Yvonne DiVita says

    September 19, 2008 at 5:38 pm

    Ann, what delight! And such realism! One of my clients answered such behavior with this – he sat his twins down at the age of 12 and said, “You’re of an age now where you can start making your own decisions. Therefore, if you feel you can find better parents than the ones you’ve got, by all means, do so. Let us know who they are and we will begin adoption proceedings immediately. Otherwise, the one’s you have are operating a Dictatorship, by which you will abide.”

    Or something similar…at any rate – I like the dictatorship approach. My kids were allowed to make their unhappiness known, but…if it was whining or an unreasonable request, the answer was, “Conversation over.” Which meant, Mom said shut up.

    Reply
  64. Yvonne DiVita says

    September 19, 2008 at 9:38 am

    Ann, what delight! And such realism! One of my clients answered such behavior with this – he sat his twins down at the age of 12 and said, “You’re of an age now where you can start making your own decisions. Therefore, if you feel you can find better parents than the ones you’ve got, by all means, do so. Let us know who they are and we will begin adoption proceedings immediately. Otherwise, the one’s you have are operating a Dictatorship, by which you will abide.”

    Or something similar…at any rate – I like the dictatorship approach. My kids were allowed to make their unhappiness known, but…if it was whining or an unreasonable request, the answer was, “Conversation over.” Which meant, Mom said shut up.

    Reply
  65. Mark Cahill says

    September 19, 2008 at 9:00 pm

    @alan As is the trend with prospective employers and merger partners, both parties now must do their due diligence via the web.

    Reply
  66. Mark Cahill says

    September 19, 2008 at 1:00 pm

    @alan As is the trend with prospective employers and merger partners, both parties now must do their due diligence via the web.

    Reply
  67. Kaza says

    September 20, 2008 at 12:27 am

    Just came over from Chris Brogan’s tweet about this post. (And I completely agree with him.) Awesome post. Disheartening though, as my one child (thus far) is only 3.5 yrs old. It seems this whole “high maintenance” thing just never ends, no? Shit.

    Reply
  68. Kaza says

    September 19, 2008 at 4:27 pm

    Just came over from Chris Brogan’s tweet about this post. (And I completely agree with him.) Awesome post. Disheartening though, as my one child (thus far) is only 3.5 yrs old. It seems this whole “high maintenance” thing just never ends, no? Shit.

    Reply
  69. Denise Shiffman says

    September 20, 2008 at 1:44 am

    Ann,
    So bloody accurate, I almost fell off my chair laughing.

    Reply
  70. Denise Shiffman says

    September 19, 2008 at 5:44 pm

    Ann,
    So bloody accurate, I almost fell off my chair laughing.

    Reply
  71. Susan Solomon says

    September 19, 2008 at 8:36 pm

    Note from Aremenian Outpost of Coddled (which is actually distributed via Moscow so presents packaging in three languages as “Coddledsky! Nyet Independentsky!;” “Cuttulled, Inc.” (bad Engliish phonetics); and something in a language that looks like spaghetti-on-wall)…

    To accommodate for Armenian cultural oddities, Coddled will also assign the following duties for its Hyustan Operations:

    Manager of Road Crossing – We have yet to find the person brave enough for this position. Therefore, since this task is too dangerous for exotic flowers of American youth, all Coddled staff will remain on lefthand side of street for the duration.

    Director of iPod Downloading – Please note that since wireless Internet is a precious $300 per month and all downloads and uploads are separately charged, this operation must be performed at night, away from the watchful eye of parents. This is a position requiring sensitivity to the “right” kind of music; anyone caught downloading Jonas Bros. music (note to sister) will be instantly dismissed.

    Senior Coordinator of Throwing Laundry on Floor – This position is very similar to the one in the U.S.; however, it tends to piss mother off even more because the washing machine is the size of a blender and the only dryer available is Mr. Golden Sun.

    Armenian Outpost of Coddled is scheduled to cease operations in late December, when we are moving our plant back to Long Beach, CA and will resume regular-American-whining capabilities.

    Reply
  72. Susan Solomon says

    September 20, 2008 at 4:36 am

    Note from Aremenian Outpost of Coddled (which is actually distributed via Moscow so presents packaging in three languages as “Coddledsky! Nyet Independentsky!;” “Cuttulled, Inc.” (bad Engliish phonetics); and something in a language that looks like spaghetti-on-wall)…

    To accommodate for Armenian cultural oddities, Coddled will also assign the following duties for its Hyustan Operations:

    Manager of Road Crossing – We have yet to find the person brave enough for this position. Therefore, since this task is too dangerous for exotic flowers of American youth, all Coddled staff will remain on lefthand side of street for the duration.

    Director of iPod Downloading – Please note that since wireless Internet is a precious $300 per month and all downloads and uploads are separately charged, this operation must be performed at night, away from the watchful eye of parents. This is a position requiring sensitivity to the “right” kind of music; anyone caught downloading Jonas Bros. music (note to sister) will be instantly dismissed.

    Senior Coordinator of Throwing Laundry on Floor – This position is very similar to the one in the U.S.; however, it tends to piss mother off even more because the washing machine is the size of a blender and the only dryer available is Mr. Golden Sun.

    Armenian Outpost of Coddled is scheduled to cease operations in late December, when we are moving our plant back to Long Beach, CA and will resume regular-American-whining capabilities.

    Reply
  73. Julie says

    September 20, 2008 at 3:59 pm

    Ann, I too am part owner in a Coddled Son LLC/Easy Sister Enterprises joint venture. Both company CEOs ride in same Parent Company car. If Coddled Son is not ready, natural consequences follow — walk the one mile to offsite center or if this causes such a hardship that Coddled Son misses all-day conference, then all assets of Coddled Son are put into Parent Company conservatership and reallocated when Coddled Son personal stock rises. This is an effective strategy for Brand Growth of Coddled Boy. He now wakes up at 6:30, showers and cocoons in still warm blanket on couch until company car departs. Sister Subsidiary reminds to take lunch money and removal of new tags still hanging on Coddled clothing. He is also CEO of Mommy-rubs-my-tummy-to-make-it-all-better company, but this is off-shore with hidden assets. Ann, this made me laugh so hard, love the T-shirt. Coddled needs one that says, “It was an accident”

    Reply
  74. Julie says

    September 20, 2008 at 7:59 am

    Ann, I too am part owner in a Coddled Son LLC/Easy Sister Enterprises joint venture. Both company CEOs ride in same Parent Company car. If Coddled Son is not ready, natural consequences follow — walk the one mile to offsite center or if this causes such a hardship that Coddled Son misses all-day conference, then all assets of Coddled Son are put into Parent Company conservatership and reallocated when Coddled Son personal stock rises. This is an effective strategy for Brand Growth of Coddled Boy. He now wakes up at 6:30, showers and cocoons in still warm blanket on couch until company car departs. Sister Subsidiary reminds to take lunch money and removal of new tags still hanging on Coddled clothing. He is also CEO of Mommy-rubs-my-tummy-to-make-it-all-better company, but this is off-shore with hidden assets. Ann, this made me laugh so hard, love the T-shirt. Coddled needs one that says, “It was an accident”

    Reply
  75. Vicky H says

    September 23, 2008 at 8:12 pm

    Amazing article Ann. I’m laughing so hard…

    Reply
  76. Vicky H says

    September 23, 2008 at 12:12 pm

    Amazing article Ann. I’m laughing so hard…

    Reply
  77. Gary Cohen says

    September 26, 2008 at 6:45 pm

    I recognize and see early signs of this insurrection beginning coddled sons/easy sisters startup. As the VC, it may impact the second round funding criteria.

    Hilarious.
    Gary

    Reply
  78. Gary Cohen says

    September 26, 2008 at 10:45 am

    I recognize and see early signs of this insurrection beginning coddled sons/easy sisters startup. As the VC, it may impact the second round funding criteria.

    Hilarious.
    Gary

    Reply
  79. Michelle Lamar says

    September 28, 2008 at 4:28 am

    *CRYING. LAUGHING SO HARD* Ann this is so right on that it’s scary. My favorite part of the post was the “PS”. I have a 14 year old girl. Must tweet this, stumble it as it’s a must read. Thanks for making me laugh today as I needed it:)

    Reply
  80. Michelle Lamar says

    September 27, 2008 at 8:28 pm

    *CRYING. LAUGHING SO HARD* Ann this is so right on that it’s scary. My favorite part of the post was the “PS”. I have a 14 year old girl. Must tweet this, stumble it as it’s a must read. Thanks for making me laugh today as I needed it:)

    Reply
  81. Linda S says

    September 28, 2008 at 4:58 am

    Oh, my gosh! Great post. You hit the nail on the head with this one!

    Reply
  82. Linda S says

    September 27, 2008 at 8:58 pm

    Oh, my gosh! Great post. You hit the nail on the head with this one!

    Reply
  83. Gavin Heaton says

    September 28, 2008 at 5:09 am

    Chapter 11 is looking better all the time 😉

    There is so much to look forward to!

    Reply
  84. Gavin Heaton says

    September 27, 2008 at 9:09 pm

    Chapter 11 is looking better all the time 😉

    There is so much to look forward to!

    Reply
  85. Linda Chadbourne says

    September 28, 2008 at 1:29 pm

    I have two LLC’s in my home. One female LLC (14 years in the making) and one male LLC (16 years in the making). I must say the male LLC runs much more smoothly. The female LLC is a much more volatile.
    GREAT Post!

    Reply
  86. Linda Chadbourne says

    September 28, 2008 at 5:29 am

    I have two LLC’s in my home. One female LLC (14 years in the making) and one male LLC (16 years in the making). I must say the male LLC runs much more smoothly. The female LLC is a much more volatile.
    GREAT Post!

    Reply
  87. Maura Welch says

    September 30, 2008 at 8:10 pm

    Ann, I have not had that hardy of a laugh over a blog post in a long time. A masterpiece! Being the mom of two teen boy LLCs myself, I personally can attest to the truth of each and every syllable.

    Reply
  88. Maura Welch says

    September 30, 2008 at 12:10 pm

    Ann, I have not had that hardy of a laugh over a blog post in a long time. A masterpiece! Being the mom of two teen boy LLCs myself, I personally can attest to the truth of each and every syllable.

    Reply
  89. Michelle says

    October 24, 2008 at 5:22 pm

    This is my first visit to your blog…and so not my last!
    I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. My own Entitled Teen Boy LLC must be having meetings with your CEO! They sound like they are being run on the same business and marketing plan!
    Best wishes,
    Michelle

    Reply
  90. Michelle says

    October 24, 2008 at 9:22 am

    This is my first visit to your blog…and so not my last!
    I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. My own Entitled Teen Boy LLC must be having meetings with your CEO! They sound like they are being run on the same business and marketing plan!
    Best wishes,
    Michelle

    Reply
  91. Marti Hitchings says

    October 24, 2008 at 9:33 pm

    Too funny! You are a scream, Ann!

    Reply
  92. Marti Hitchings says

    October 24, 2008 at 1:33 pm

    Too funny! You are a scream, Ann!

    Reply
  93. gucciwomenshoes says

    February 12, 2010 at 7:32 am

    Just tell me you will be there to buy me martinis and console me when I feel like committing murder!

    Reply

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