A version of this story appeared in Total Annarchy, my fortnightly newsletter that helps you be a better writer, storyteller, marketer. Get it in your inbox; you’ll love it.
* * *
Above ^^ is a sign I read in a hospital waiting room a few days ago. It’s one of the top hospitals in the country, and they can’t afford Es?
The DIY sign reminded me of a message I saw earlier that day in a public restroom. It was taped inside the stall:
PLEASE DO NOT VIOLATE THE TOILET BY FLUSHING
ANYTHING THAT SHOULD NOT BE FLUSHED HERE
Set aside that violate for a moment (a word that feels unnecessarily charged… time-sharing as it does half its letters with violent).
Instead, let’s focus on the goal of the restroom sign: It’s a mess. (It puts the mess into message lol.) A lot of words. And still it’s unclear.
“Anything that should not be flushed” is waaaay too open to interpretation.
If we had a shared understanding of what’s flushable… that sign wouldn’t be necessary.
Isn’t that the whole problem?
* * *
I always imagine the frustration that fuels signs like these posted in public buildings and institutions around the world. Crudely printed on a shared office printer. Hastily taped up or trapped behind a plastic standee.
Each one is a story of a broken system, inefficiency, or fed-up frontline staff taking things into their own hands ferpetessake.
I picture the maintenance staff, summoned for the third time that month to retrieve from the pipes someone’s false teeth or a stuffed animal or whathaveyou.
“That’s it!” Maintenance Guy says, emerging with his plunger dripping. “ARTHUR!” he shouts toward the guy at the front desk. “We’re gonna need to post a sign!”
It’s why they’re written in ALL SHOUTY CAPS: They’re pure rage.
If I were in charge of Customer Experience at these institutions… I’d start by addressing the problems these signs seek to correct.
* * *
I see it all the time in messaging copy. Maybe you do, too?
We write as if we picked up a bunch of words as free agents at the NFL Draft. Then we pile them all into the sentence.
More players on a field means more of a chance of scoring, right?
No. That’s not how words work. (Or sports, I guess.)
Usually there’s an important message trapped in the copy. But the goal gets lost. Tackled by too many words.
Our actual job as writers is to make the world a little more clear.
A little less cluttered.
A little less ugly.
* * *
Let’s live-edit the restroom sign together… using an easy four-step copy framework you can use to unclog (!) your own copy.
Here we go…..
Draft 1. Put all your players on the field.
Let them all out on the dance floor. Write your face off. Unleash your wild words all over the page.
I am intentionally stuffing this bullet with too many metaphors to demonstrate the first draft in a meta way. You can mix metaphors with as much abandon as college kids mix up a barrel full of Jungle Juice at a party.
Draft 2. Keep only your strongest players.
Make each word earn a spot on the roster.
PRO TIP: Are you saying anything unnecessarily ugly?
“Violate” is ugly. Back to the sidelines, Violate!
Draft 3. Invite your reader in.
Consider context: What is in the mind of your readers? Will they immediately understand the point? The goal?
If we invite the reader into our… uh, stall: That “should not be…” needs to go.
What’s more: Is it really about flushing? Shouldn’t we be addressing the throwing of stuff into the toilet? The action we need to interrupt? The action that leads to the clogging of pipes and Maintenance Guy bellowing at Arthur?
The entire approach needs a makeover.
Draft 4. Is it enjoyable?
Will it make people think? Smile? Laugh? Will it stop them in their tracks?
That’s the one job of copy, isn’t it?
To not let anyone gloss over it? To be momentarily memorable?
PRO TIP: Don’t sacrifice clarity for clever. Start with clear. Layer on clever. Go back to Draft 3 if you need to.
* * *
I know you didn’t come here to read about signs in a toilet stall. But that’s the kind of week I had LOL. And honestly… we’re in this deep. Let’s finish it now.
Where does that leave us?
PLEASE DO NOT VIOLATE THE TOILET BY FLUSHING
ANYTHING THAT SHOULD NOT BE FLUSHED HERE
becomes
THROW ONLY TOILET PAPER IN THE TOILET
Seriously. Not even if it says it’s flushable.
* * *
Ah. Much better, yes?
Use this same framework to unclog your own copy.
Clearer copy will no longer be a pipe dream.
Give it a try; don’t stall.
Loo and behold! Your customers will lav you!
And I’ll stop with the puns now.
In Costa Rica most toilets cannot handle toilet paper, so it is supposed to be thrown in the trash instead. A sign in one restroom read “Do not put anything into the toilet unless you’ve eaten it first”. Pretty clear.
Love frameworks. They make copywriting so much easier.
This framework is indeed very helpful and useful. Thanks for sharing this.
So astute, these observations, so attuned to connotations. And because I never know where to respond to the Newsletter content as well, I’ll say here that the ‘In/Out’ table of good/bad writing encapsulates a lot of wisdom. So I just today ordered ‘Everybody Writes,’ though not the least interested in marketing even if I should be – – purely on the strength of all those AH blogs and newsletters. Good glasses logo too. (Is that marketing?)
I still say, though (are you listening AH?), the best AH memoir writing happened way back, getting your boots polished by the shoe-shine, and surely deserves a sequel. No easy task, walking a fine line between Kinky and Camp and Everyday, which could have gone so non-pc that we just have to admire the risk as well as the finesse. Ann Handley single-handedly showed adroit confidence in how to weigh her words for connotation, implication, to take that risk in her stride. Still love that blog as an out-there example of AH confidence to play with nuance, yes, and I won’t rest until AH delivers a re-boot. (Are there still shoeshiners out there in this hyperinflated recession? – – might need a foreign trip for Ann to find a location for the sequel article.)
This four-step framework looks like such a game-changer for anyone struggling with a cluttered copy. I loved how it’s easy to follow and has the potential to elevate the clarity and effectiveness of my writing. Can’t wait to try it out and see the results for me. Thanks for sharing, Ann!
Only toilet paper in the toilet?
So what am I supposed to do with all the poop?!