Business

From Parrots to Prose

A version of this story appeared in Total Annarchy, my fortnightly newsletter that helps you be a better writer, storyteller, marketer. Get it in your inbox; you’ll love it. * * * I was in a planning meeting last week with a client—with the CEO (we’ll call her Jack Sparrow) and a VP (we’ll call him Paulie). Everything that Jack Sparrow said, Paulie would repeat… slightly rephrased. “We should probably ask the Sales Team to weigh in,” Jack Sparrow said at one point. “We should run it up the flagpole,” echoed Paulie. A bit later: “Then again, no one actually makes rational decisions,” Jack Sparrow said. “We are ruled by our emotions,” Paulie added. Paulie didn’t add anything new to the conversation. It was like being on a Zoom with a parrot. Perched on Jack’s shoulder, Paulie restated what had already entered our earholes. He squawked away. The meeting dragged.

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Milking Brand Voice for All It’s Worth

Let’s pretend you are a marketer for a large consumer brand. You plan to launch an email newsletter. You call it “Spam the Newsletter.” You’d never do that, right? It’s like a grammarian named “Typo.” Or a hopeful politician with the name “Loser.” But let’s pretend you did call it Spam—you really did! And when you write your first issue you misspell your CEOs name (twice). (You address your newly acquired subscribers as “FIRSTNAME LASTNAME” (literally—that’s the “name” you use).) (Pause here to check if all those parenthetical asides are parenthetically closed correctly. Yes? Yes! Onward.) * * * What’s the best way to get subscribers to your fresh new newsletter named Spam? Create a viral Twitter thread followed by a CTA like Sign Up for More of This Brilliance Or Die Penniless and Alone. Display an aggressive website pop-over that assaults anyone whose cursor hovers within a hair of

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10 Tools to Help You Avoid Procrasti-straction

A version of this story appeared in Total Annarchy, my fortnightly newsletter that helps you be a better writer, storyteller, marketer. Get it in your inbox; you’ll love it. * * * Hello, Pumpkin Spice! I’m on my way to the Tiny House Studio to write this letter. Somewhere during the 372 steps across the lawn I get a notification from FedEx: A package I need has been delivered to the mailbox uptown. So I google: What time does the UPS store close? (6:30 pm) Should I combine that with the trip to pick up takeout—it’s Friday, takeout would be nice. (Or does that Italian place deliver?) (Do they still have the lobster mac and cheese?) Lobster. Did my brother try the lobster roll kit I sent him for his birthday? I text him. He did. He loved it. He sends me a series of high-fiving gifs. Or jifs. Wait didn’t the

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Should You Publish a LinkedIn Newsletter or a Traditional Newsletter?

A version of this story appeared in Total Annarchy, my fortnightly newsletter that helps you be a better writer, storyteller, marketer. Get it in your inbox; you’ll love it. * * * Hello, Sweet Potato. Every week I get a half-dozen invitations to subscribe to various LinkedIn newsletters. Published by my LinkedIn connections, the newsletters have names like Shrek’s MarTech Update or Princess Fiona’s Marketing Trendz. You probably get them, too. The invitations arrive in the same spot we receive connection requests, which makes it one-click-simple to opt in. Many have massive subscriber numbers, in the tens or hundreds of thousands. Which makes me wonder… as the self-appointed Captain of Team Newsletter: Am I missing out? Are you? Should we all join Shrek, wade into the swamp, and also publish newsletters via LinkedIn? Wait wait wait: What about that age-old content marketing wisdom of… Never build a house on rented land? Usually, yes. But

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